Charlatan.
I think I secretly live in fear of being found out; denounced as a fraud and a charlatan. I worry I’m not fit to be the section leader of both the capstone band and orchestra at my school. At best, I’m there because there was no one better to fill the role. But that hardly makes me qualified.
(Fun fact: it’s really easy to be pensive and self-pitying while listening to early Imogen Heap.)
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been consciously trying to expand my vocabulary. I think it really became a ~mission~ for me in 6th grade. I used to carry a notebook everywhere I went, writing down words I hadn’t heard so I could look them up later.
My English class has a tradition of writing anonymous compliments for each other and having our teacher read them to the class. A week or two ago, someone wrote this about me:
“Cameron uses big words I don’t understand. But she’s very insightful and I love her contributions to discussions. She’s super smart, but not in an in-your-face kind of way.”
Thank you, anonymous student!! When people compliment my vocabulary, my heart soars. It’s one of the few things that I put passionate effort into and it actually pays off.
My goal is not, nor has it ever been, to show off. I’m not just shoehorning exorbitant locution into my diurnal palaver. That would suck!
I just love langage. I love learning the ins and outs of how we communicate with one another. And the more words you know, the easier it is to communicate. It’s why I want to major in linguistics in college. It absolutely fascinates me.
Dan Avidan is one of my biggest inspirations in this area; for those of you who don’t know, he’s one half of the YouTube gaming duo Game Grumps.
A gamer? you may be thinking. That’s who you admire for his vocabulary? But that’s exactly it! Danny isn’t an English professor or classic novelist. He’s a dude from New Jersey who plays video games and happens to have outstanding command over the English language. In 7th grade, I actually started a separate list called “Dan’s Words”. I love the ease with which he slips words like ancillary and avouch while playing Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.
The manner in which I use my ‘Personal Vocab List’ is very particular; I frequent words like ostensibly and quotidian because I have reasons to use them. On the other hand, I could define panacea or imbroglio but I don’t use them because there’s no need.
I’m a little bit pretentious, yes. But I’m really just genuinely invested in this hunt for knowledge. I love Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde and I want to understand references to centuries-old poetry. There’s so much to learn in this world, and I truly want to immerse myself in all of it.